Today was a beautiful day. We went outside to test out Sabrena’s new remote control car she got from Brady. After many failed attempts to find the remote, we settled for a leisurely game of Badminton. However, after wind interference, we decided to lay down in the grass and soak in the sun…right there in the front yard. I’m sure the neighbors thought we were crazy, but we didn’t care.  We decided we could hear ocean waves and feel sand between our toes.  After much consideration, I chose Trunk Bay as my beach of choice. Sabrena chose Jamaica and Mom chose Hawaii.  So there we laid, eyes closed, dreaming we were miles away. Dreaming until I opened my eyes and realized I was home.  Home. Where he is everywhere. I see him in  his favorite leather chair…me sitting opposite of him…talking into the wee hours of the night after everyone else has gone to bed. I see him in the kitchen cooking. Gourmet meals of course, never anything less…stopping ever other minute to tell a story…animated, jovial, arms flailing about..impersonations…the whole works.  Some we had heard a hundred times before…still as funny as the first time we had heard them.  I see him pulling into the driveway after a day at the golf course…his car smelling of his cologne and cigars. It is a smell that will forever resonate within me… His golf bag and shoes in the back…with more golf balls than any one person would ever need in one lifetime stashed away…”just in case”…”you never know when you’ll need them.” I see him in his office. I would walk in and he would say, “Heeyyyyyyyy Cowwcciiieeeeee.” No one else ever said it his way. No one else can.  He would banter on about press expansions, paper inserts…things way over my head. Sometimes I would listen in boredom having no clue what he was talking about. He was excited nonetheless. I would give anything for just one more minute listening to him in that office.  I see him outside on the patio where he and my mother sat most nights sipping wine and eating salmon. We laughed about the time he tipped over backwards in his patio chair. My mother thought he was going to hurt himself, but he rolled out of the chair laughing. He told us, “pretty good for a big guy!” I sat in that chair today and my heart hurt.  I see him in the living room decorating our 12 foot Christmas tree. He shopped for months and months looking for the “perfect” ornaments. My mother would say, “Steve…I think that’s enough” and he would say, “Nope. It’s not done yet.” Come Christmas, we had THEE most beautiful Christmas tree I had ever seen… I see him in church..sitting to the right of me. Like he has since I was a little girl. I always sat in between him and my mom…never any other arrangement. He would sing and his voice would boom above everyone else. He had a beautiful beautiful voice. I see him singing the Hallelujah Chorus on Christmas morning. My mom and I would watch contently with smiles on our faces.  I see him driving away…the last day I saw him. His last words, “I love you honey.” What more can I ask for? Those are the last words I ever heard from his mouth. It is something that brings me peace. But still. Today my heart is aching. With every beat, it is aching…

His last picture taken August 2nd, 2008.